1. |
Frosty The Hitman
02:16
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Frosty, the hitman
was a chilling, killing soul...
With nerves of ice
he once whacked three guys
with a sock packed full of coal.
Frosty, the Hitman
was fairy tale, it's claimed.
But I know its true,
you can interview
a bookie that he maimed.
It must have been some magic in that old Glock that they found,
for when they put it to his head, he survived a point-blank round.
If you're a witness,
there's one thing that's for sure...
Don't make no deal,
if you choose to squeal
no safe-house is secure!
It must have been some magic in that old Glock that they found,
for when they put it to his head, he survived a point-blank round.
Frosty, the hit-man
may vanish with the thaw,
but stay on your toes,
'cause before he goes,
he might break your f*ckin' jaw.
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2. |
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I saw Mommy shoving Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night.
She pulled out a huge knife
Threatening his life,
Crying and then screaming
‘cause he wouldn’t leave his wife.
Then I saw mommy stabbing Santa Claus,
Their quarrel ending in an viscous fight!
Oh, they struggled for the blade
and then what a mess it made:
When Mommy fought with Santa Claus last night!
I saw Mommy gutting Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night.
He dared to disagree,
Now our little xmas tree
Is dripping with intestines
where the tinsel used to be
I saw mommy hacking Santa Claus
Under his red beard that once was white...
I earned a four-day shopping spree
Pretending not to see
Mommy killing Santa Claus last night!
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Rudolph, the brown-nosing reindeer,
was one approval-seeking caribou;
(like a floozy!)
made all his friends look lazy
by taking credit when it wasn’t due.
(like a congressman!)
He couldn’t spot resentment
on the part of all the other reindeer folks,
(like a stoner!)
rolling their eyes as Rudolph
laughed too hard at Santa’s lame-ass jokes.
(like a side-kick!)
So one foggy Christmas Eve
Blitzen pranked him bad,
Said: “Santa said to fly alone;”
steered Rudolph to a hunting zone.
(Bang! Bang! Bang!)
Oh how the reindeer love him!
…or so they claimed at Santa’s inquiry.
(like a mobster!)
“Rudolph the brown-nosing reindeer…
where’d he go? It’s quite a mystery!”
(like a meat loaf!)
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Winter time, frost is crunching.
In the snow: sounds of munching!
Drop to all fours, and bar all the doors...
Walking through a zombie wonderland!
Someone screams, can you hear it?
There’s a corpse, but don’t go near it...
It's covered with flies,
but starting to rise...
Walking through a zombie wonderland
Something's coming, and it ain't a snowman:
Looks like it's an undead Parson Brown....
I'll distract him while you run, so go, man...
Bring some reinforcements from the town!
Warning bells, they are ringing;
grab an ax and start swinging!
Here come more undead,
aim for the head,
walking through a zombie wonderland
I slit a walker with my big machete.
It tumbled like a drunken circus clown.
Its guts were spillin’ out just like spaghetti,
but laceration didn't hardly slow it down...
On its head. I did some stomping,
but I couldn't stop it's chomping.
No longer in pain, I'm craving your brain,
walking through a zombie wonderland...
(Brains!)
Walking through a zombie wonderland!
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5. |
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You went to the mall.
You sat on his lap.
He ran to the mens’ room
and had a quick fap...
Rent-a-Claus will follow you home...
He’s under that tree,
beyond the crosswalk...
He just works part time,
so he’s able to stalk.
Rent-a-Claus will follow you home!
He knows when you are flossing.
He'll watch you eating grapes.
He sees you when you shave your pits--
So close your goddamn drapes!
You're out in a crowd...
You feel a bit weird.
But you'll never spot him
Without his fake beard
Rent-a-Claus will follow you home!
He knows when you are flossing.
He'll watch you eating grapes.
He sees you when you shave your pits--
So close your goddamn drapes!
Oh!
He doesn't care
you called cops to your door
They gave him a warning
that he will ignore...
Rent-a-Claus will follow you home...
Rent-a-Claus is inside your home!
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Jef Deadtime and The Video Nasties Los Angeles, California
